Paris Strom, Auburn UniversityRobert Strom, Arizona State University

Uniqueness of Digital Bullying

Published in the Melrose Free Press on November 22, 2006

It was the third session of our support group for girls at Melrose High. One girl turned to another and stated matter of factly "You made my life a living hell in middle school." The other girl replied, "I know. I’m sorry for picking on you. All I can say is that I had a lot going on in my life, and it was more about me than about you. But that doesn’t make it right and I’m sorry."As facilitator of that support group, what I remember most about this remarkable exchange was how the first girl’s face and whole body visibly changed when she heard the apology. I felt as though I was watching cells realign, adjusting to something finally made right. The apology did not take away the pain of being bullied, but it mattered.Several summers ago I asked my best friend if she remembered a period of time in 7th grade when she and the other girls in our "clique" stopped talking to me and deliberately shunned me. She honestly didn’t remember. I told her I could vividly recall crying in the girls’ bathroom, and pleading with the group to tell me "what I had done wrong." She responded that although she didn’t remember, she believed me, and said "I’m sorry I did that to you." Thirty years later, and it mattered.The Melrose Alliance Against Violence has received a federal grant for youth violence prevention that will enable our community to address one of the primary causes of violence and pain: bullying. Not just physical bullying but extreme teasing, verbal threats and exclusion. In my work with MAAV, I have learned that almost everyone has a deeply personal story to tell about bullying– as targets, bystanders or bullies themselves. Regardless of how many years have passed, the stories are filled with anguish and shame.A major goal of our grant project is to reduce the incidence of bullying at the middle school level. Research shows that bullying starts at the elementary level and peaks in middle school. Research also shows that 60% of students identified as bullies in grades 6-9 have a criminal record in ten years. Targets of bullying can suffer many long-term psychological effects, including becoming aggressive themselves.The Melrose Veterans Memorial Middle School has an excellent track record of working to create a caring, inclusive environment for all students. The administrators and teachers are top notch. But as in all middle schools, bullying, both direct and indirect, does occur. The grant will enable us to implement a school-wide, comprehensive bullying prevention program that has been shown to reduce bullying by 30-50%. It focuses on the actions of the bystanders as well as the bullies and their targets. It trains and empowers the faculty, who are responsible for the safety and well-being of students. In addition to the school-based program, we will be looking for ways to engage parents and the community in our prevention efforts. Together we must promote a culture where bullying is not seen as an inevitable rite of childhood, but as abuse. And like any form of abuse, it should never be ignored, tolerated or excused.

———Rebecca Mooney

Of all the excellent speakers I heard at a recent conference on hazing, sponsored by the Chelsea Health Department, this father’s words stay with me most: “I guarantee you-anyone who thinks hazing is just ‘kids being kids’ would think differently if this happened to their own son or daughter.” You may have heard about this incident in the news. The man’s teenage son was a victim of a humiliating act of hazing at football camp, followed by months of harassment at school. The boy has since left the school, but he and his family are still dealing with the aftermath, or as the father put it “living in a bad dream.”