As part of the initial training for the Melrose CARES Community Mentoring Program, volunteers are asked to reflect on someone in their lives (besides a parent) who made a significant positive impact when they were growing up. Participants are then asked to describe the qualities of that relationship. Responses often include words like "unconditional support," "guidance," "made me feel special" or "saw something in me I didn’t see in myself." Some of these relationships were life-changing, or even life-saving.

January is National Mentoring Month, and I encourage you to reflect on this question. Who has provided support, guidance and inspiration in your life? Have you ever thanked that person? The Harvard Mentoring Project has designated January 25 as "Thank Your Mentor Day" and even developed a postcard to make it easy to do so. These postcards, which leave space for your own personal message, are available free of charge at the Melrose Public Library as part of a display that includes books and movies with a mentoring theme. Imagine how gratified, touched or surprised your mentor might be to be thanked for the impact he or she had on your life!

At Tuesday night’s Aldermanic Meeting, Mayor Dolan proclaimed January as National Mentoring Month and recognized the 20 adults who have served as mentors to 7th grade students as part of the Melrose CARES Community Mentoring Program.

I applaud the volunteers who have made a 10-month commitment to our program. They have been willing to sit in a room full of young adolescents, unsure of how the students would respond to them, and game for whatever activities are planned. They have overcome the awkwardness of that first meeting alone with their student, doing their best to make conversation over pizza and soda. Most of all, they have been willing to care.

At the same time I recognize that many caring adults, for whatever reason, are unable to become formal "mentors" in our program or any other program. But don’t let this stop you from reaching out to youth. We all have the potential to be natural mentors in the connections and contacts we have with young people. When I was in high school, I worked part-time at a fabric store called the "Home Silk Shop." Pauline, a tall, striking woman in her 30’s just seemed to take an interest in me. She didn’t care about my grades or my social status with peers. Somehow between measuring fabric for customers, complaining about our boss, and having conversations about our lives, a special friendship developed. As researchers would say, it was a relationship that was not "performance based." I remember feeling a little awkward but flattered when she invited me to her house for lunch before I moved away to college. I share this example, not because the relationship was particularly life-changing, but because 30 years later I still remember this woman’s simple interest in and kindness towards me. She took the time to get to know a teenage girl and to extend herself in friendship.

When researchers asked young people what is important in their relationships with adults they said: respect, fun and companionship, structure, authenticity, mutuality, listening, wanting to get to know them and positive regard. It’s not rocket science, but it does require attention and caring.

January is National Mentoring Month. I urge you to thank your mentor for whatever gift they shared with you, and then to pass it on!

Rebecca Mooney, M.Ed., is the Executive Director of the Melrose Alliance Against Violence.