Teen Dating Abuse Resources

Teen dating abuse and violence can have lifelong consequences. Compared with peers who do not experience dating violence, teen survivors are at higher risk of substance use, depression, anxiety, disordered eating, risky sexual behavior, and suicide.

Protective factors present in teens' lives can reduce the likelihood they will experience or perpetrate relational violence during the teen years and across their lifetimes. Having at least one trusted, caring adult present, with whom a teen can rely on, trust, and talk with is a key protective factor. Developing skills in emotional regulation, healthy communication, and positive coping strategies, along with the presence of parental support & monitoring, supportive peer networks, and a sense of belonging and engagement at school and in communities can protect youth from dating abuse. Educational opportunities to learn the signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships, and living, learning and working in environments that promote gender equity and respect, while challenging unhealthy relationship norms, can further buffer youth.

For fast facts around the warning signs of abuse and tips for breaking up safely, see below.

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Warning Signs of Teen Dating Abuse

When beginning a new relationship, the excitement of seeing someone you really like can make it hard to recognize warning signs of abuse and other red flags. Dating violence can take place in person, online, or through technology and can include physical violence, sexual violence, emotional abuse & psychological aggression, or stalking. Visit the CDC’s Fast Facts: Preventing Teen Dating Violence for more details.

If you recognize any of the behaviors below in your relationship, remember you are not alone. Please contact an adult you trust, such as a trusted teacher, coach, guidance counselor, or parent/caregiver, or reach out to MAAV for support. You can also visit Get Help for 24-hour help line resources.

An abusive partner may be someone who:

Is jealous and possessive of you, won’t let you have friends, checks up on you, won’t accept breaking up.
Tries to control you by giving orders, making all the decisions, not taking your opinion seriously.
Threatens you, uses or owns weapons, makes you worry about how they will react to things you say or do.
Is violent, has a history of fighting, loses temper quickly, brags about mistreating others.
Pressures or manipulates you for sex, thinks people are sex object, attempts to manipulate or guilt-trip you by saying, “If you really loved me you would…”
Gets too serious about the relationship too fast.
Abuses drugs or alcohol and pressures you to take them.
Blames you when they mistreat you, saying you provoked them, pressed their buttons, made them do it, led them on.
Has a history of unhealthy relationships and blames the other person for all the problems.
Believes that men should be in control and powerful and that women should be passive and submissive.
Has hit, pushed, choked, restrained, kicked, or physically abused you.
Your family and friends have warned you about or told you they were worried for your safety.

Breaking Up Safely Online or In Person

If you know or suspect you are in an abusive relationship, your safety is the top priority. Breaking-up can be the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship, so please talk to any trusted adult or reach out to MAAV for help.

Also keep in mind:

Trust yourself. If you feel afraid, you probably have a good reason.
Let your friends and parents know you are ending your relationship, especially if you think your ex will come to your house or confront you when you’re alone.
Choose the safest method for you to break up. (in-person, call, text, FaceTime)If you break up in person, do it in a public place. Have friends or your parents/caregivers wait nearby.
If your ex does visit when you’re alone, don’t go to the door.
Plan what you want to say in advance and communicate clearly. Speak from your own perspective and avoid blaming/arguing
Don’t try to explain your reasons for ending the relationship more than once. There is nothing you can say that will make your ex happy.
Just because an unhealthy or abusive relationship is over doesn’t mean the risk of violence is too. Talk with your friends and family so they can support you.

Create a safety plan and let someone close to you know about it.
Turn off location sharing after break up (or right before your break up) and update passwords if need be

Help is also available online. Visit Love is Respect where advocates offer confidential support for teens, young adults, and their loved ones seeking help, resources, or information related to healthy relationships and dating abuse in the US 24/7/365.

After a Break-Up:

If you can, tell your parents/caregivers what’s going on, especially if your ex may come by your home.
Talk to a school counselor or teacher you trust. Together, you can alert security, adjust your class schedule or find other ways to help you feel safer.
Avoid isolated areas at school and local hangouts. Don’t walk alone or wear earphones.
Keep friends or family close when attending gatherings you think your ex might attend.
Save any threatening or harassing messages your ex sends.
If you ever feel you’re in immediate danger, call 911.

Know Your Digital Rights in a Relationship

You have the right to turn off your phone and spend time with friends and family without the other person getting angry with you.
You have the right to ignore or not respond to messages that don’t respect your boundaries.
You have the right to say no to sexting.
You have the right to say no to sharing pictures or information if you are uncomfortable.
You have the right to report, block and/or delete any account that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
You have the right to keep your logins and passwords private from others online.

From greenflags.info